Holiday Occasion? There’s a Strain for That

Holiday! Celebrate! Come on – grab your cone bra and do your finest Madonna impersonation right in front of the mirror. It’s the time of year when we all cut loose……except for the jobs and kids and whole lame responsibility thing. That isn’t to say that every holiday occasion isn’t  any fun once we cross into adulthood, but they’re certainly different.

They don’t possess the same magic they did when we were children, with weeks of welcome idleness and the hope for brand new toys. Instead, we count money, we count calories, and we count the moments until we can restore normalcy to our household.

However, the holidays as grownups do have one advantage: our festivities now come with a side of weed. Merry Christmas, Mary Jane! Happy Hanukah, hash!

Stressed? Crazed? Wishing your mother-in-law lived in England and was afraid to fly? Guess what? There’s a strain for that!

Strains for Every Holiday Occasion

In fact, there’s a strain for many a’ holiday occasion. And the following is just a taste:

The Holiday Strain Great for Relaxing Before the Guests Arrive: Snow White

No matter who’s visiting, hosting is stressful. You feel like you have to keep the house clean. You feel like you have to cater to people. You feel like your habit of walking around naked will be frowned upon by Auntie Edna. But Snow White can help.

This is an indica-dominant flower that provides a head high described as not too heavy or too light

It offers elation, relaxation, contentment, and hunger – your great-uncle’s pie recipe? The one that tastes like feet? This strain will get you through it. Snow White provides a high that lasts for about two hours, long enough for you to feel – in true dwarf fashion – Happy but not too Dopey.

The Holiday Strain to Help You Fall Asleep: Candy Cane

Whether your inability to fall asleep has to do with a long list of chores or Holiday Occasion? There’s a Strain for Thatthe excitement of waiting for Santa, Candy Cane can help you snooze. Smoke it an hour or so before you want to go to sleep: the initial high is stimulating before it melts off into complete relaxation.

Candy Cane is one of the strains most often recommended for glaucoma, mainly because of its ability to reduce pressure from the eyes. A little tidbit that may come in handy when your mother catches you smoking behind the shed: It’s medicine, Mom. I promise.

The Holiday Strain for Shopping: Permafrost

In this day and age, it’s hard to understand why so many people want to go to brick and mortar stores like some kind of animal when they can just shop online. Still, there is something to be said for feeling a product before you actually purchase it. And, for some, shopping is fun (and not everyone has or likes computers).

So, if you’re one of the brave souls heading out into the crowded parking lots and sea of rabid carts, take Permafrost with you. This strain is a sativa-dominant hybrid that provides energy and euphoria. It also gets the creative juices flowing. It’s often used to relieve stress, but too much can cause paranoia. This is something to beware of – being too stoned in a crowded department store probably isn’t a good time no matter how well you swing dance with that mannequin. But, hey, maybe you’ll finally make the People of Walmart website like you’ve always hoped.

The Holiday Strain for the Office Party: Ice Queen

Nobody really wants to get drunk with their boss over by the copy machine (just dole out the holiday bonuses and we’ll call it good). But holiday parties are a mainstay of many companies. If you’re headed to yours, forget Ice House and bring Ice Queen instead.

This strain offers strong cerebral effects – motivation and creativity – before the body melt hits (it won’t leave you wiped out in your cubicle, but you will feel relaxed)

Many people like the well-balanced high it offers: not only will you be able to hold a conversation with your manager regarding those TPS reports, but you’ll also be able to participate in office chair races down the hall. Our money’s on the mail guy. He’s small, but mighty.

The Holiday Strain for the Family Get-Together: Sugar Plum

Look at that! We do have visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads after all. But maybe not the kind Clement Clark Moore was talking about in his poem. Our Sugar Plum offers an instant high and puts you in a very social Holiday Occasion? There’s a Strain for Thatmood. It’s uplifting and energizing and perfect for taking to your family dinner as your date (We can hear grandma now, “Sugar? Sugar’s a stripper’s name!”). Use it before talking to your uncle about his gout.

But, keep in mind, the high from Sugar Plum usually evolves, taking you from a Chatty Kathy into a more sedated version of yourself. It’s the perfect strain for being the life of the party at dinner before snoozing blissfully through the latest family slide show. So your brother has pictures from the International Space Station? Seriously, who doesn’t?

Jenn Keeler

About the author: Jenn Keeler is a freelance writer and illustrator specializing in humorous lifestyle articles. She is one of the few people on earth actually using an English degree. Her heart belongs to the Denver Broncos and her husband. In that order.